tv Late Night With Jimmy Fallon NBC June 7, 2012 12:35am-1:35am EDT
♪ that's why god made the radio this night a celebration ♪ ♪ celebration spreading the love and sunshine to a whole new generation ♪ ♪ whole new generation that's why god made that's why god made that's why god made ♪ ♪ the radio that's why god made the radio that's why god made ♪ ♪ that's why god made the radio for falling in love that's why god ♪ ♪ made the radio that's why god god made that's why god ♪ ♪ made the radio
for nights like this that's why god made that's why god made ♪ ♪ god made that's why god made the radio ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: the beach boys. nice job, gentlemen. thanks, guys. thanks, guys. good to see you, buddy. i want to thank my guests julia louis-dreyfus and brian banks and of course the beach boys. tomorrow night catherine zetta-jones "jimmy fallon" happening right now. jimmy! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, that's what i'm talking about! how you doing!? welcome. welcome, everybody, to "late night with jimmy fallon." that's me. it's gonna be a big show tonight. we're very excited. a lot of fun people here tonight. a big election story, you guys. it's been reported that mitt romney's personal hotmail account has been hacked. yeah. hotmail. [ laughter ] even ron paul was like, "get with it, you old geezer." come on. [ laughter ] speaking of mitt romney, his campaign is in the news for misspelling several words on his promotional items. today, romney issued a press release, he said, "i'll get to the bottom of this or my name isn't malt ramrod." [ laughter ] mitt romney -- what'd i say? you guys may have noticed this, the weather in the northeast has been unseasonably cold this week. yeah, people here are still waiting for the heat to show up. you know, just like basketball fans in miami. [ audience ohs ] >> oh no, you didn't! >> whoa! >> oh oh! [ applause ] >> jimmy: what'd i say?
>> don't choke down miami. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: don't choke down miami? >> don't do it. >> jimmy: this is interesting, a new study found that optimistic people live longer than pessimists. or as pessimists put it, "i knew it." [ light laughter ] listen to this you guys, argentina is now letting people change their gender without permission from a judge or a doctor. which explains argentina's new name, argen-tony. [ light laughter ] come on. [ cheers and applause ] start the wave, then comes over that way. it's all right. [ applause ] >> steve: tell that to the kids. >> jimmy: you guys, this is cool, researchers in france discovered evidence that cavemen actually drew basic cartoons of animals. they were pretty impressive. take a look at this one. [ laughter ] sabertooth garfield. >> steve: just garfield. he does not like monday.
>> jimmy: me hate monday. hey, i want to wish happy 56th birthday to tennis great bjorn borg. that's my man. [ cheers and applause ] yeah. bjorn borg, i got him a gift card to his favorite store, bjest buy. [ laughter ] >> steve: whoa. what year was he bjorn? >> jimmy: what's that? >> steve: what year was he bjorn? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't know what year. i just know it's his bjirthday. [ laughter ] you guys, some bjusiness news. [ laughter ] business news. pizza hut trying to compete with subway by coming out with a new sandwich called a p'zolo. yeah, p'zolo. as in, i'm not feeling too good, i just ate a p'zolo. [ laughter ] p'zolo, that doesn't sound like a sandwich. that's like what snoop dogg calls his golf shirts. i gotta p'zolo, yeeah. [ laughter ] yeeah. [ applause ]
ralph laurizo. [ laughter ] finally, i read about a woman in texas who claims that a doll she bought at toys'r'us is saying curse words. it's not good. today, elmo was like, "tickle yourself, bitch." [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ i'm the sheik of araby your love belongs to me at night when you're asleep into your tent i'll --♪ ♪ when the stars they shine up above will light our way to love ♪ ♪ if you rule this land with me ♪ i'm a sheik ♪ ♪ the sheik the sheik of araby ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey! that's what i'm talking about right there! that's the one and only leon redbone sitting in with
the roots tonight! [ cheers and applause ] that's his band leader, vince giordano there with him. hey vince, how are you buddy? sounding good. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: leon is on tour this summer. you can see him live june 22nd in jim thorpe, pennsylvania. i didn't even know we had a town named after jim thorpe. jim thorpe, pennsylvania -- and june 23rd, right here at the abrons arts theater in new york. leon, thanks for being here, buddy. i appreciate it. [ cheers and applause ] such a great -- such a great distinct voice. did you always have that singing voice? [ squeakily ] >> i think so. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i mean, that must be -- it's just like -- [ imitating leon ] it's just so distinct. >> it is. >> jimmy: i don't even who else you would sound like, who else would i compare your voice to? no one. [ growling ] >> mm -- hard to say, really. >> jimmy: yeah. now, i think this is a true story. i might be making it up, like wikipedia does. [ light laughter ] but -- i want to say that you were on "saturday night live" before you even had a record
contract, right? didn't lorne michaels and howard shore find you? or they discovered you in toronto, or am i making this up? >> not to my knowledge, but you'd have to ask them that. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: how did you end up on the show? >> i think they needed somebody on the show and phone number, i guess, helped. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the guy's a genius. leon redbone, one and only right there, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] pick up the phone and call that guy. pick up the phone and call that guy. hey, guys, just a reminder, our new comedy album, "blow your pants off" comes out june 12th. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] we have guest appearances -- it's this tuesday it comes out. >> steve: move the hand. move the hand. yeah! >> jimmy: higgins figured out that if you put "thank you notes 2" behind the album -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]
we got guest appearances by bruce springsteen, justin timberlake, dave matthews, eddie vedder -- >> steve: what? >> jimmy: -- paul mccartney is on this record. >> steve: what? >> jimmy: yeah, for real. all the songs have been remixed for optimum sound quality. very optimum, trust me. listen to it, we can play something. play track three off this. ♪ this is jesus christ to tim tebow please leave me alone don't you know ♪ >> jimmy: optimum. that's good dave, that's good. that was "tebowie." >> steve: that was optimum. [ applause ] >> jimmy: too optimum for tv. that was tim tebow and david bowie, mesh and became one human. called "tebowie." yeah. >> steve: and singing at optimum sound quality. >> jimmy: at optimum sound quality. but we have like, eddie vedder. where else are you gonna get an album with eddie vedder singing "balls in your mouth?"
>> steve: where? >> jimmy: it's our protest song about the tar balls floating up in the ocean from b.p. oil spill. play that, can you play that? ♪ balls in your mouth balls in your mouth don't swim in the ocean ♪ ♪ you'll get balls in your mouth balls in your mouth ♪ >> jimmy: that's good, dave. thank you. so anyways, "blow your pants off" comes out next tuesday, you guys. check it out. [ cheers and applause ] we got a fun show for you tonight. she's gone from the dance floor to the big screen. from the new movie, "rock of ages," the talented julianne hough is here. [ cheers and applause ] beautiful, talented, she can act, dance. plus, he's a great actor, one of the best dudes around, he has a new movie called "high school." colin hanks is joining us tonight. funny dude. [ cheers and applause ] follow him on twitter. and we have standup from a very funny guy, bob marley will be stopping by. >> steve: not that bob marley? the wailers coming? >> jimmy: no, not that bob marley. no, it's not.
>> steve: it's get up standup. >> jimmy: no, he's doing standup. >> steve: oh, sorry. >> jimmy: he's doing standup. [ laughter ] >> steve: my mistake. >> jimmy: yeah, no problem. hey you guy, you know, there's a lot of bad news out there in the world, but here at "late night" we always try to find the silver lining. so with that in mind, it's time for a segment we call "on the bright side." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ on the bright side on the bright side on the bright side ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: here's how it works. i'm going to give you the cold, hard facts that we've pulled from some of the world's top news sources. and i'm gonna give you the silver lining. okay? here we go. ♪ mitt romney released an iphone app where he misspelled america as amercia. on the bright side, he has a way better chance of becoming president of amercia. [ laughter ] ♪ after walking into a glass window, justin bieber can no longer raise one of his eyebrows. on the bright side, he now does
an excellent impression of the rock. [ laughter ] [ scattered applause ] ♪ a new study found that texting is ruining the art of conversation. on the bright side, when i heard that i was like omg, wtf, lol. [ laughter ] ♪ a new report predicts that the milky way will crash into another galaxy in four billion years. on the bright side, it's four billion years away so who gives a crap? [ laughter ] ♪ [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] these are ripped from today's top headlines. >> steve: i know, but they're scary. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: your neighbor peed in your pool. on the bright side, it's now a heated pool. ♪
>> steve: that was a headline? >> jimmy: that was a headline in the paper. [ laughter ] >> steve: what paper was that? >> jimmy: a growing number of high school students are requesting plastic surgery for their graduation gift. on the bright side, they could end the school year with straight a's and double d's. [ laughter ] [ scattered applause ] ♪ kris humphries has a new girlfriend that looks a lot like kim kardashian. on the bright side, it's the first rebound he's had in months. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] ♪ a woman in arizona was arrested for offering sexual favors in exchange for mcdonald's. on the bright side, happy ending meal. [ laughter ] [ scattered applause ] there you have it, guys. that was "on the bright side" right there. [ cheers and applause ] stick around, we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ for the l
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: fantastic. welcome back, everybody. now, i'm sure you've all heard the rumors that soon apple will be announcing a new iphone. yeah. anyone here have an iphone? [ cheers and applause ] my favorite thing about the iphone is all the apps. well, here at "late night" we got a sneak peak at some of the new iphone apps that have yet to be released. you guys wanna see them? [ cheers and applause ] a few of them are just upgrades on existing apps. on existing apps. like, you've probably heard of the app called "i am t-pain." say something into your phone, it autotunes your voice so you sound like t-pain. well this app is similar, it's called, "i am mitt romney." [ light laughter ] and you say something into your phone and this phone translates so you sound like mitt romney. let's try it here.
i like pizza. [ robotic voice ] >> i may or may not enjoy the food that you call pizza. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: pretty useful app. [ applause ] let's check out some of the other apps on the old pop-up screen here. there we go. >> steve: hope you have your phone. there you go, quick. [ laughter ] it's wireless. >> jimmy: wireless? >> steve: yeah, that's a bluetooth antenna. there you go. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm driving. >> steve: i need four lattes. >> jimmy: perfect. all right. hey, check out this next one. this one's pretty cool. i'm sure you've heard of the app called instagram? you guys know that? instagram. >> steve: oh, yes. >> jimmy: well this app is interesting, it's called "instahamm." >> steve: what? >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: press it, there you go. >> jimmy: sorry. [ laughter ]
>> steve: maybe you need to re-sync it with the bluetooth. >> jimmy: yeah, i gotta sync it again. [ laughter ] just like instagram, except it inserts actor jon hamm into all your photos. >> steve: ooh. ooh-la-la. >> jimmy: let's try it right now. take a picture of myself. [ shutter click ] there you go. [ laughter ] >> steve: i don't think i want to know where he's gonna be inserted. [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: me, you, and redbone. anyways -- >> steve: where could he go? >> jimmy: let me just add the instahamm filter, you'll see what's up. there you go. [ laughter ] that's all it is. [ laughter ] the next one is called axl rose -- [ laughter ]
called axl rose relaxation tape. [ laughter ] finally, you can be lulled to sleep by the soothing sounds -- [ laughter ] why am i laughing? ♪ balls in your mouth all right, all right. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] this one is called "axl rose relaxation tape." finally you can be lulled to sleep to the soothing sounds of guns'n'roses frontman, axl rose. now we've shown you this one before, but they just came out with a bunch of new tracks for it. like, let's take a look at this one here. "chirping birds." that sounds good, let's listen to that. [ birds chirping ]
♪ whoa-oh bird sounds chirpy chirpy chirpetty chirp ♪ ♪ you are a bird on a branch ♪ ♪ and he's sitting in a nest like a tiny little flying dinosaur yeah yeah take a nap ♪ >> jimmy: take a nap. so soothing. so soothing. [ applause ] the next one sounds relaxing. what's "crackling fireplace?" let's hear that one. ♪ whoa-oh fireplace loud snappy cracking crackle pop ♪ ♪ cracker crackle pop don't burn yourself next to the fireplace take a nap ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: take a nap. this next app is cool. it's called "reiser soaker." basically the app simulates comedian paul reiser getting sprayed in the face with a super soaker. let's try it.
[ pumping sounds ] [ light laughter ] that's fun. let's try it again. [ pumping sounds ] [ laughter ] wonder what happens if you keep squirting? [ pumping sounds ] [ explosion ] ♪ >> steve: oh my god. >> jimmy: you get to soak reiser. >> steve: i get it. >> jimmy: and back to the home screen. this next app is cool. it's called "travolta massage." [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] you press your fingers on the screen to simulate giving a massage to john travolta. >> steve: oh my god, that sounds fun. >> jimmy: let's try it. i'll just start massaging my screen here. >> steve: oh i see it. [ as travolta ] >> oh, yeah.
it feels good. lower. lower. even lower. won't you check my prostate, right? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. >> steve: okay. that's not -- nc-17. >> jimmy: yeah. all right this next app is called "what's on your mind?" look at this thing. "what's on your mind?" how it works is you point your phone at someone and this app tells you what they're currently thinking. let's try it on a couple in the audience up there. okay, let's try it on her first. all right, now let's see what she's thinking. [ ding ] i have to get something special for my husband's birthday. that's very sweet. all right. let's try it on you now, sir. let's see what he's thinking right now. [ ding ] the band one direction should be called one erection because that's what i get when i listen to them. [ laughter ]
[ scattered applause ] [ laughter ] >> steve: he's happy about it. >> jimmy: he's starting to get a little smile there. >> steve: yeah, he's like, "yeah, you know it." >> jimmy: all right. go back to the home screen. go back to the home screen. >> steve: that bluetooth is -- >> jimmy: this last app is one of my favorites. it's called "virtual edamame." you press your screen to pop out little soybeans from the edamame shells. it's fun. check this out. [ pop ] [ light laughter ] try the bottom one here. [ plop ] let's go for the middle one. [ pop ] hey, wait a minute. [ laughter ] that's paul reiser. ♪ reiser edamame, everybody, we got it! those are all the new iphone apps. we'll be right back with julianne hough. come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> jimmy: you look gorgeous as always. >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: last time after you left the show you sent a really cute twitter photo and i want to thank you for that. >> oh yes. >> jimmy: you sent out a tweet of you in our -- we gave you a t-shirt from our show. >> oh yes. >> jimmy: we don't pay people. we just give them t-shirts. >> no, but, yes ryan is okay with this. i hope you're wife is too but i sleep with you every night. >> jimmy: yeah? do you really? >> i really do. you have the most comfortable t-shirt ever. >> jimmy: yeah. it's a softy right? >> it's the best. >> jimmy: it's goody. well, welcome back. i found this weird thing about you that i didn't' know that you in one of the biggest movie franchises of all time. >> it's where i got my big break, ladies and gentlemen. >> jimmy: yeah, harry potter. >> yeah. >> jimmy: now wait a second. i don't remember this. >> i was uncredited. >> jimmy: of course, yeah. >> my entire school was cast in the movie. so, you know, i didn't feel that special. i was in the first one. i was 11 years old. >> jimmy: and what do you mean your entire school? they won a contest or something? >> no, they needed a bunch of school kids for hogwarts. >> jimmy: oh yeah. for hogwarts. >> i was gryffindor so that was pretty cool. >> jimmy: hey, look at this! oh, come on. are you kidding. look at this.
>> i look the same. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, come on. that's adorable. were you a big harry potter fan? >> oh, yes. i was actually sort of in love with daniel radcliffe. it was valentine's and i ended up writing a handwritten love note to him. >> jimmy: ooh. >> and gave him a beanie baby for valentine's day. thought i was being all romantic and sweet and never heard back. >> jimmy: you gave him a beanie baby? you never heard back from radcliffe? >> no, no, no. >> jimmy: boy, did he miss out. he must be so bummed right now, yeah. >> no, i think he's doing okay. >> jimmy: oh, he's doing all right. okay. now, we got to talk about "rock of ages." >> yes, of course. >> jimmy: i mean, this imajor. it's based the musical. >> yes. >> jimmy: "rock of ages." it's more fun and more crazy. crazy cast in this. >> it's the most unbelievable cast. it's very humbling. but they're incredible. i mean, we have russell brand and alec baldwin, tom cruise, catherine zeta jones. i'm so name dropping right now. >> jimmy: no, no, no. it's good. are you intimidatied to act around those guys? >> i think i was going into it
but then i just saw how, you know, alec baldwin was just pretending to be british around russell all the time and i'm like, "okay, nobody can make more of a fool of themselves than alec doing this right now. i think i'm okay." >> jimmy: he was just doing it trying to make everybody feel comfortable? >> no, i think he just wanted to be english, i don't know. >> jimmy: alec is funny. yeah, yeah, yeah. >> he's the best. >> jimmy: how was tom cruise? >> he's amazing. i mean, i know everybody says this, but it's true. he's the hardest working, most committed, dedicated person i've ever met. i mean, he was the one doing four hours of vocal training in the morning and then guitar lessons and then vocal training again. so, i mean, it's amazing. he's incredible. >> jimmy: wow. and did your family get to meet him or anything? >> oh, yes. the whole family got to meet him. and especially my niece. yeah, my family, we tend to like older men, apparently, because my niece, who didn't speak yet -- >> jimmy: how old is she? >> she was 18 months. >> jimmy: yeah. it's hard to find younger men when you're that age. [ laughter ] >> yeah, yeah, yeah.
but tom was actually rehearsing. he was doing "dead or alive" with his shirt off and his abs and everything. and when it finished, i was with my sister and my niece ari she starts going like this, which means more, more. >> jimmy: no. she wanted more tom cruise? >> oh, no. and would not stop looking at him. we're like, "oh no." my sister and i looked at each other, "this is really bad, this is really bad." >> jimmy: this is trouble. this is trouble. yeah, yeah, yeah. >> i mean, rock stars and tom cruise and abs. this is not good. >> jimmy: that's super cute. i want to show a clip of you in "rock of ages." here's julianne hough. >> yeah. >> what about drew? >> jewel very expensive. >> not jewel. drew. >> drew? that drew. our drew? >> he'll do it for free. >> baby, baby, baby. >> come on, nobody cares about the opening act anyway. no offense. >> none taken. >> dennis, com on. what do you say?
>> okay. call your band. >> guys, guys, we're opening up for arsenal. [ cheers ] >> doesn't anyone just work in the bar industry anymore? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: look at alec baldwin. he's crazy. come on. >> he's amazing! the smolder. >> jimmy: he is awesome. yeah, the smolder. >> so good. >> jimmy: the soundtrack on this -- look at this. here's the sound track on this guy. you got "sister christian." you sing on that one with alec. oh, my gosh. and tom cruise sings on this too? i want to hear how he sounds. >> oh, yeah. he's amazing. he's incredible. >> jimmy: this is going to be a killer soundtrack. >> we did a duet called "rock you like a hurricane." >> jimmy: -- no, who sings that? ♪ here i am >> scorpions. >> jimmy: scorpions. >> yeah, scorpions. ♪ rock you like a hurricane ♪ >> jimmy: oh my god. it's awesome. you and tom cruise? >> oh yeah. i know, so it's pretty cool. >> jimmy: you guys, everyone in the audience is getting a copy of the soundtrack. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] you comes with presents!
oh. let's go. from the crack, off the backboard. [ laughs ] dad! [ laughs ] whoo! oh! you're up! oh! oh! so close! now where were we? ok, this one's good for two. score! [ male announcer ] share what you love with who you love. kellogg's frosted flakes. they're gr-r-eat! the audience choice ingredient bud light! and here we go. looks like chef dubois is emulsifying the bud light into a foam, what's his competitor doing? he appears to be having a really, really good time. cheers. a bud light reduction for dubois and his opponent? also improvising nicely, let's see that again. judges? i like the use of the pressure cooker to tenderize the beef. but also the use of the cell phone to order the pizza. [ male announcer ] it's the sure sign of a good time. the just right taste of bud light. here we go.
sorry chef, we're going to need more ingredient. here we go. the new taurus is going to blow people away... starting with the guys who built it. i haven't driven it yet. i'm going to try take it easy and warm up slowly. hi. do you get car sick or anything? no, is that a challenge? no, no. so with the 2013 taurus i can pretty much voice command anything. pretty much. you're going to be able to change your radio station, make a phone call. all that you can do with just the sound of your voice. all of it? all of it. never have to take your hands off the wheel. never have to take your hands off the wheel... which is good when you're driving. ha ha ha.
jimmy: welcome back. i'm here with julianne hough, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] we're going to play a game of ladder golf, also known as hillbilly horseshoes or yard balls. we'll take turns throwing these ropes which have wooden balls on each end. we're going to throw our balls at that ladder. top rung is worth three points, middle rung is worth two points, bottom rung is worth one point. >> okay. >> jimmy: and we take turns. high score wins. julianne please. you're my guests. ladies first. >> oh, dig it. okay. here we go. i'm competitive. >> jimmy: good luck. all right, come on. you can do it. ♪ >> i get some good music, though, so. oh! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what? already? ♪ >> i'm just warming up. i'm just warming up. you got to do the dance. >> jimmy: i don't know what this song is. it's like -- ♪ playing ladder golf -- all right. >> i love it. >> jimmy: a good grooves.
>> yeah! [ audience ohs ] oh! oh. >> jimmy: don't turn on me so fast. [ laughter ] >> i got to do the whole, like, dance thing. >> jimmy: oh, that's very very nice. ooh la la. >> okay. ready? ♪ oh! [ audience ohs ] >> jimmy: i got a chance. >> i was just making you feel better. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, here we go. i'm going to rock with it. ♪ >> it's all about the swing. >> oh! [ audience ohs ] >> jimmy: what?! wait. do i get to throw it again if it comes off like that? let me get out of the way, sorry. >> oh, that's okay. here we go. ♪ oh. i'm too hard. i'm too aggressive. dang it. let's do it again. >> jimmy: yes! ♪ it's a tie game. tight match. tight match. >> all right.
♪ that's not fair. >> jimmy: that's how i dance. >> that's not fair. >> jimmy: that's how i dance when i go to a wedding or something. >> okay. ♪ oh! [ audience ohs ] [ sad tuba ] >> jimmy: nice. hey. ♪ this is a great clam bake. oh, my god. this is the best clam bake i've ever been to. >> so good. oh! this is a lot harder than it looks you guys. >> jimmy: top rung. top rung. >> okay. ♪ oh. >> jimmy: tight game, man. >> there's a lot of ohs going on. this is not good. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: tight. tight little package there. >> it's on. okay. >> jimmy: let's go. come on. this is for the game. ♪
[ laughter ] yeah, no -- i meant no. >> you have no idea how competitive i am. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that means you have to play the game next time you come back. >> awesome. >> jimmy: you're the greatest. julianne hough, everybody! "rock of ages" opens nationwide june 15th! colin hanks joins us next. here he is right now in the bud light platinum suite. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] yiayia may not approve of pool parties...
♪ [ cheers and applause ] jimmy: you guys know our next guest from his memorable performances in a wide range of movies and tv shows. from "orange county," to "the good guys" and "dexter." please welcome back to the show a charming and talented man. here is colin hanks! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: c-h! colin hanks! >> james fallon. >> jimmy: thank you for coming back to visit our show. >> james fallon, i love you. >> jimmy: colin hanks, you are unbelievable. >> i love you very much. >> jimmy: no, you do. >> i love you very much. i think you know what i'm talking about. >> jimmy: i know what you're
talking about here. because your team did -- the kings. >> the los angeles kings are in the stanley cup finals. by the time this is on tv, the game will be over. >> jimmy: yes. >> but for all of us right here in the present, who knows? [ laughter ] i got to say your movie is very funny. it's called "high school" >> yes. >> jimmy: emphasis on high? >> emphasis on high school. >> jimmy: "high school." i love the premise. do you want to set it up. >> the premise is very simple. two kids get their entire high school stoned. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's it right there. >> that's the movie. >> jimmy: that's the movie right there, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] basic premise. no but i like -- the kids are -- so they find out the day before there's a mandatory drug test. >> yeah. >> jimmy: these two stoners? >> well, no. one of them is a stoner and one of them is, like, wants to be the valedictorian m.i.t. guy. and the stoner gets him stoned and then the next day the principal, played by michael chiklis, then says i'm going to mandatory -- you know, i'm going to test the entire school. whoever fails is going to get kicked out and thus comedy ensues and the plot kicks in. >> jimmy: well, there happens to be a bake sale.
>> there happened to be a bake sale that day. they go steal an incredibly strong -- >> jimmy: snoop dog, willy nelson type of weed. >> like if willy and snoop made a weed baby that's they would do. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what if they did? that would be good. right now the stoners at home are going, "what?!" [ laughter ] "my head is about to -- weed baby." >> "i will buy that weed baby." >> jimmy: "i want to buy that weed baby." >> "that is something i will babysit." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we both sound like we're doing nicholas cage impressions. [ laughter ] "we got to save that weed baby!" >> "that's high praise for the weed baby." yeah. so essentially, michael chiklis plays the dean, the principal, and i play his sort of buttoned up -- >> jimmy: boy, does michael chiklis hit it out of the park too. look at -- look at -- this is michael chiklis from "the shield." >> okay. >> jimmy: look at this guy. [ laughter ] >> from "the shield." remember "the shield." this is michael chiklis. now, i want to -- i need a pen because i always find that pens always help make this a lot more serious than it needs to be.
>> jimmy: pointing things out. >> i want you to look at the red-headed wig. >> jimmy: yeah. the wispy hair. >> the wispy hair that he always sort of, like, fondles in ways. >> jimmy: high hairline. >> high hairline. glasses. well, we can call it a moustache. but technically it's mustache. >> jimmy: you can call it a moustache. >> we can call it a moustache. any way, i want to get some props to the ginger wig. most guys in a movie will go black hair or dark hair. >> jimmy: yep. >> he goes ginger. >> jimmy: he went gingy. ginger man. >> that is a brave acting choice right there. >> jimmy: a brave move. give it up for michael chiklis, you guys. he went for the ginge. [ applause ] >> he's dedicated to his craft >> jimmy: now, this clip i want to show everyone from "high school." you can say it as that. you say "high school" or "high school." >> "high" school. >> jimmy: this part you are very buttoned up. >> yes. >> jimmy: in this. and you're a very buttoned up man. but you have a new -- eat the brownies the weed is kicking in a little.
>> i am the guy that sort of puts two and two together and says this feeling is kind of oddly familiar. and then he just really sort of embraces it and this is my character after having willingly eaten a whole lot more brownies. >> jimmy: here's colin hanks in "high school." ♪ >> i've never felt so good in my life. it feels so good. ha-ha! it feels so good to be alive! and an assistant dean. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: go see colin hanks' new movie "high school" in theaters now. comedian bob marley performs next. see you after the break, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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well, would you look at the time... what's the rush? be happy. be healthy. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is very funny comedian who hosts the weekly "bob marley wicked podcast" and will be performing at the comedy connection in portland, maine, june 22nd and 23rd. give it up for bob marley, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> aw. how you guys doing? [ cheers and applause ] i have been on the road. i just got back from alabama. now, listen -- i'm nothing to look at, okay?
i'm not a show stopper. i'm not a keeper. i'm not easy on the eyes. but alabama has a whole different look they're going for. they have what i like to call an "oh my god" look. did you ever look at somebody and that's the first thing that comes out of your mouth? oh, my god? [ laughter ] you have to go get somebody to confirm what you're looking at? [ laughter ] i was in the airport in alabama there's a woman sitting next to me with a pair of flip-flops on. her baby toe is bigger than her big toe. oh, my god. [ laughter ] wee, wee, wee is bigger than the one that went to the market? [ laughter ] i tried not to look at it, but i just kept going to it, you know? at one point she caught me looking at it and she's like, "hi!" i'm like, "i'm not making a move towards you, sea hag." [ laughter ] i'm baffled by your guinness book situation over here. [ laughter ]
i've been traveling a lot. i brought the whole family to disney world, which was completely awful. i brought my wife, my mother, and my three kids. if you're ever gonna go anywhere with that group of people, here's what i want you to do. take a hot pot of coffee and pour it down your pants. that would be a much better day. [ light laughter ] my mother's 72-years-old. my kids really appreciate that 72-year-old pace through disney world. [ laughter ] "i love the horticulture, bobby. watch the shrubs, they're like little disney characters." get on the monorail, crazy lady, let's go. we get on the monorail, it's completely packed and very loudly my mother says, "when we get home, i want to trim my bush like goofy." [ laughter ] [ applause ] yeah. good times. good times. all for the kids. once you have kids, you have no
time for anything else, right? if you get a chance to get out of the house, take that offer before it expires. a couple nights ago my wife looks in the refrigerator, she goes "we're all out of milk." i was like, "whoo! i'm on it!" i was in the minivan. because we bought a minivan. minivan! if you buy a minivan you're pretty much saying, "eh whatever. i give up. my life's over." everybody that drives a minivan looks like they've been gassed with complacency. [ laughter ] [ applause ] my wife said, "do you want to wash the minivan this weekend?" do i want to do what? "do you want to wash the minivan?" no, i don't wanna wash the minivan. that's like brushing a brown tooth. it's over. [ laughter ] so i get to the grocery store, and i have her list and halfway down the list it says maxipads. that's it, just maxipads. now ladies, let's get a little more specific in this
department. this is not 1960 with one government-issued war maxipad. there's aisles of selections, and i am not a maxipadologist. i did the best i could do, i get home she's all pissed at me just 'cause i got the wrong brand. i got -- swiffers? [ laughter ] "bob, you idiot. these are not maxipads." well, why did it come with this applicator stick? [ laughter ] [ cheers ] my wife and i put the kids to bed earlier and earlier every week. last week it was 3:30 in the afternoon. [ laughter ] come on, kids, let's wrap it up. we've got beers to drink. let's go. [ laughter ] we rented this movie called "taken" with liam neeson. have you seen this? have you seen it? [ cheers ] all right, if you haven't seen it, liam neeson's this big, badass irish dude. one of the coolest people in the world, am i correct? i mean, he's awesome. [ applause ]
and in the movie they kidnapped his daughter, but they don't realize who they're messing with 'cause liam neeson, he's not working down at sears in the appliance department, right? he was a spy. he knows karate. so they call him on the phone to tell him that they've got his kid. and this is what he says in reply, do you remember this scene? this is a very famous scene. "listen to me, i don't know who you are or what you want, i have no money but what i do have are a very specific set of skills, skills that make it difficult for a man like you to live past tomorrow. i'm going to find you and i'm going to kill you." and i'm like, "oh, my god." 'cause if you have kids, you put yourself in the movie, right? i'm like, i've got three kids. what would i do if somebody got a hold of one of mine and called me up? i might be like, "hey listen, i don't know who you are or what you want, but you left two of my kids behind." [ laughter ] [ applause ] "now, you want to swing by tomorrow around 4:30? i'll have them out on the curb with my wife and my mother. couple of jetblue coupons, and a gassed up minivan."